i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
two words: eviction party
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
