It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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