Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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