i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
