I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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