btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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