I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
