i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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