Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
