also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
People in love make me want to vomit
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
