didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize