You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
