Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
