id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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