Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
