Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
