Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
