My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
