also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
