I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
