We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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