I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
how does that bad decision feel?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
