your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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