Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
