had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
