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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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