Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
