is your mom at the bar?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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