All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
