God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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