That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
