Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
