That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
