Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
