so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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