mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize