It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
