Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
