I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
