you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
