Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
