Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
