did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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