Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
