Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
