i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
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All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
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On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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