i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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