I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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