I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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