I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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