I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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