I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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