I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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