i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We are two peas in an std pod
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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