My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
is that a dick in a sweater?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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