I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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