just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
