In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
