My room smells like vodka and shame
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
