it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
