Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
