Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
