I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
