Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
