I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
