My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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