I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
