I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
