Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
