I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
