just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
