Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
