All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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