Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
