Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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