pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
