Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
