so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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