I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
