What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
