vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
pop tarts are not kleenex
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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