Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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