I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
