Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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