Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
